LONELY IN A CROWD

 

In early human history social skills enhanced the life of your offspring and insure the survival of these particular genes. Hunters/Gatherers without these need of intense group/family bonds had less chances to survive. Individuality caused a risk to the family gens. By forming a society which covers most of your needs there upraised more space for individual need or ability of building relationships. At that it is not important how many relationships you can form, it is the intensity. A marriage, although it supplies you with constant presence of an other person and serves plenty of interactions, can cause loneliness which shows that being with others is no protection of feeling lonely.
Moreover you don't have to be in permanent company to feel comfortable. The quantity of social contacts and interactions is less important to protect you from feeling lonely than the level of social relationship quality which can be infrequently but a trustful stability.
The social cognition is neglected. The society presents perfect lifes in form of different media types: People are healthy, their daily life is full of interactions with friends. You come home to be welcomed by happy family members. You will talk about your great day and all the beauty you could enjoy before, after and even while your work, a work where you are a well respected member.
Cognitively, loneliness can be affected by what one perceives and desires in their social relationships. Media presents the big five goals: Health. Family. Success. Love and Community. The human heart has an insatiable longing to these topics and is permanently confronted with the ideal version of his life and it seems impossible to achieve just one characterisation of it to your own complete satisfaction. Moreover the life of others appears more perfect to us than it is in reality. In the state of loneliness it can be even worse to be surrounded by others. Therefore the term 'Lonely in a crowd' is one of the worst results of the capitalism in civilized nations. Loneliness is a negative and exhausting state of mind everybody will experience in his life due to following causes:

 

1) External causes = existential
We are born alone, live our unique life and are the only total witness of it before we die, still alone. While we step through our evolution from birth to death we are confrontated with the meaning of life and its consequences and have to live with our characterisations.
- Old-age effects (menopause, mid-life crises, fear of death) can cause intense sufferments.
- The question of the meaning/sense of life and what goals you should follow can be described as a hunt of answers you can't get which could cause a feeling of emptiness.
- Mental and physical disorders can cause disadvantages in daily life. Being member of a certain minority (a gender issue as well) can cause seperation and discrimination to evoke a feeling of being an outsider.

 

2) External causes = social
The instruments of capitalism can provoke isolation. The stereotype of a successfull student, worker or parent puts pressure on you. This is not a welcoming environment for your psych. A permanent or a lost competition can cause frustration and fears of existence and lower your self-esteem. Long working days and long distances (new special school, internship in foreign countries, international projects etc.) seperate you from existing bonds by leaving places, families and communities.
A broken routine is hard to compensade.

3) Internal causes = phycological
By judging and comparing ourselves and being permanentely judged and compared, a high physocological pressure influences our 24/7 thoughts. The need of love influences the human being from his first to his last breath.
- Moments of doubts, misunderstandings or leaking appreciation/respect are evil daily companions - be it true or imaginate.
- A missing vis-à-vis to share your opinions, ideas or trivial thoughts can be frustrating or longings
- A missing vis-à-vis to challenge can cause the same
- To lack of receiving love and be able to show love to relatives, friends and partners causes powerful changes to your psych

All listed factors cause a feeling of emptiness and isolation, of not being needed, wanted or good enough. The listed external and internal factors will appear in each life, some more, some less. There must be a wish and the ability to form these intense bonds and to fight negative thoughts to solve and confront these factors with confidence. It is summarized as 'social skills'. These skills are associated in terms of loneliness due to more self-focus, poorer partner attention skills, a lack of self-disclosure to friends, less participation in organized groups throughout
shyness, neuroticism and depressive symptoms, as well as low self-esteem, pessimism, conscientiousness and disagreeableness. Introverts and extroverts have different highlightings on these characterisations.
The society we are living in is a weird construction. On the one hand everybody knowns his social needs, even recognizes his social disabilities or is sensible enough to assume misleading situations. On the other hand the mechanism of the free market are accepted, people become isolated over property, jealousy, goals and ideals which are hardly to achieve or to copy. The human being lost the ability to be happy with regular social interaction. Other things became more important but they can't compensate for the joy of love and entertainment of a balanced level of social relationship quality and self-realisation. There is a certain link between unhappiness and the need of companionship. Love is the medicine. Love to yourself and given by others. Existing lacks in social skills in an environment of the existing society is a catalysator for loneliness.
Due to the mechanisms of limited movement in the childhood, being a member of a family, the several stages of educational institutions and later on a membership in a working environment, you can't really be free in the choice of the persons you spend the time with.

Let things go.